angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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