Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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