This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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