Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So much rum. So many feels.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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