i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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