so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
