just come out here and I will go home with you...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
