There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
