i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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