is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
