I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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