Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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