This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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