she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize