She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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