that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize