We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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