it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
