Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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