How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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