so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
