there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
