My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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