How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
