a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
