I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
false alarm, still single
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
