I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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