i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
