Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
