I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
