Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
