Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
