We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
