i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
