Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
