Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
