I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
