Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
