so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
