Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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