What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
