he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
