I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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