How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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