Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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