Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
