I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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