Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
