i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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