Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
