I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
