i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
