So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
