He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
