if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
