Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I deserve this hangover.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
