what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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