just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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