Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
