she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
