her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
