worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
