Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
