i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i black out too much to be "responsible"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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