Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize