I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
