Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
