I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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