I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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