just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
