He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
