Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
