did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
