Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
