His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
