I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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