dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
