i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
