I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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