i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
420 ftw
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
